A rant about schools. A train of thought.

I haven't written in quite a while and I think that it's about time I did again. Today a thought was planted in my mind. Let me set the context: I was talking to my drama teacher and he asked me about why the essay we had been set as cover work hadn't been done. As we got talking he said that 'kids at the school are too afraid of failure,' and this is soo true. I actually realised just how annoyed I was about the system when he said that. The system sucks all the soul out of learning. In the UK alone, GCSEs teach kids how to remember and recite facts rather than analyse, evaluate or challenge independently. It seems that free thinking is becoming a thing of the past; especially in a world where information is but a click away. Yet, too many kids have ridiculous amounts of pressure being put on them to be amazing at everything. It seems that young people nowadays need to be athletic, in drama school on the weekends, learn another language in their spare time, volunteer in the community, have a Saturday job and get straight As. Yet somehow parents will still have the audacity to tell their kids to 'have fun' or to 'enjoy life' saying they are 'only young once.' Yes, they are only young once, so don't burden them with the adult need to be perfect. This does more bad than good in my opinion.

Personally, I have always been academic (lucky for me, I always see people less academic struggling on a level that is actually saddening). I've never been that kid that got 3A*s and 9As or higher but I was always above average. This changed when I hit A Level. At A Level I started losing that academic streak I always had and this was very disheartening. I dread to think how those that weren't academic to begin with felt. It' is very sad that soo much emphasis is put on academia when, unless you plan to go into a certain specific field or have a genuine interest in a topic, most academic achievements are not transferable in the real, working world.

The thing that I am best at is something that the standard school system doesn't value, singing. Yes, I do music A Level at school but it is soo heavily academic and music theory based (anyone that's ever done music theory will know that it is another language) that I feel like the one thing that came easy to me is being taken from me. This is especially difficult for me because, as many people involved in music will know, music is a way of life, it's often not just a hobby. It becomes a part of who you are. Thanks to the current school system I feel like music is being taken from me, therefore taking a part of my soul with it.

Another example I will give is my own personal interest in history. I did it at GCSE but the way it was taught and graded made me want to give it up even though I actually love history. I would love, in my free time, to go away and read a history book or watch a documentary, but due to the insistence being put on me to be focusing on my current subjects I can't do this.

Ok, rant over
Peace xx

I Joined a Choir... Again... By Accident

Singing is one of the most important things in my life. From a very young age I knew that singing was what I was meant to do with my life. In year 5 I got involved with a local music service by joining their choir. I was in that choir for 10 years. The reason why I left was in an attempt to pursue being in a band. This did not go well at all. Leaving the choir allowed me to focus on myself as a solo singer and performer. I am not complaining about this at all, but as someone that discovered their love of music through ensemble singing, the opportunity to join and sing with a choir is exciting to me.

You may be wondering how one joins a choir by accident so let me set the scene. I have need of a piano and my school has individual practice rooms that contain pianos. Of course, being the polite person I am, I asked in advance to use the practice room. As I walk into the main section of the music department I see about 10 younger students and a teacher at the piano. I am slightly confused and the teacher tells me it is the choir. She asks me to join them and I jump on that opportunity. In this session we were doing an easier song with very basic harmonies and I was carrying the melody.

The next piece we started was a much more difficult piece with a three part harmony. My natural vocal range is alto but whenever I sing in groups I sing the (often higher) melody because of my booming voice. For once I was actually made to sing in my vocal range. I have very little experience singing harmonies so this is a challenge for me. Another factor that adds to the responsibility I hold is that I am the oldest and most accomplished of all the singers in this group. The majority are under 14 years old. I need to work hard and allow myself to enjoy this opportunity to the fullest.

Much Love
xx

Review: 15 Things For 2015

I was watching a YouTube video by Boyinaband (highly recommend his channel, slightly hooked on it) and he was giving advice about how to stick to goals which reminded me that I haven't yet reviewed the list I made o 15 Things For 2015. This post is going to be long, without a doubt, but I feel it is necessary. So here we go:

The 5 Big Goals First:

1. Lose a little over a stone in weight by August

I am on track for this. Of course I fluctuate every now and then but generally I am doing OK and have been consistent. Comparing my measurements to November last year I have lost an inch all over my body. In terms of numbers I have decided to go by measurements for a while because I find that they are more inspiring. I am doing regular exercise so I am burning fat but gaining muscle; the numbers on the scales don't move very quickly even though my measurements do. I have decided that I am working towards a dress for my prom in a certain size. I have to lose about 4 inches from my bust, 8 inches from my waist and 10 inches from hips for this dress to fit. I am working towards that more than the weight. The weight loss will come with the decreasing measurements.

       

      2. Work hard so I get into the uni of my choice.

This one is slightly more difficult for me to gauge. I have an offer from a university and two auditions to attend. I am struggling a little with my subjects because I feel like I have soo much to do in soo little time. Not only do I have to finish and refine coursework but I have to do written exam prep and prepare a vocal recital as well as maintain a lot of extra-curricular activities. I have  given up a lot of things and the things I do actually allows me the time to do school work or have a well needed rest whilst still gaining experience and skills in the activity. My school offers a thing called progress checks where I get told my grades and get given some advice on how to improve. I am a B in my three subjects. That is very good if I can maintain that. Coursework is almost totally finished so I have to get it checked so they are all at As. Then I can focus on exam prep. I hate exams and don't do very well in that environment. I am going to need to work very hard with those.

       

        3. Sort out what I am going to be doing in 2016.

This one is pretty much done, of course at the beginning of 2016 I will make little goals like this but in terms of big things I am set. I am taking a year out from education and am going into the world of work. I am going to be an apprentice in digital marketing and social media. The process is almost finished, just need to be matched with an employer.

    

      4. Get into the habit of doing vocal exercises everyday.

I haven't been doing this. Not going to pretend I have. I think this one is something that I will need to get into the habit of after my exams in June. Once I have made the habit I will maintain it regardless.

     5. Learn to sing 3 really hard pieces (Dido's Lament). 

I am doing well with this. Dido's Lament is practically done. I am going to be starting on a piece called Non So Piu Cosa Son my Mozart. They need to be done by mid-March so I can spend April and May learning another difficult piece of my choosing.

The Other 10 Littler Things Now:

1. Get into the habit of keeping my room tidy

I have and I haven't been doing this. When my room is messy I can't seem to work and this is a prompt for me to tidy it. I haven't been consistent. My room does not remain tidy all the time but I will notice mess and have the intention to tidy whereas a few years ago I wouldn't have minded nor cared. Maybe if I make a schedule for a big tidy each week it will help me get into the habit of doing it every day. 

      2 . Have clear outs every few months if not every month

I have done this. I had a clear out this month. It may only have been a few items but the majority of things I get rid of I plan to sell at car-boot sales. This idea is a big prompt for me. The idea that I could get a bit of cash back from the things I no longer need and want makes me actually have clear outs. Sometimes, even if I am just tidying up I will see that I no longer need or want something so add it to the things to be sold on.

      3. Review life plans/ year plans once a month

Didn't do one at the end of January but am doing one at the end of February. This is a lot more helpful than I expected. Having all of my thoughts in one place makes it easy to follow and serves as a reminder that things need to get done. Should probably write a schedule for all the monthly reviewing I need to do. Goal review and weight review. Weight ones need to be more regular to help keep me motivated.

     4. Make time to have breaks and have fun

I have been having breaks when needed. When I study I time my breaks and my study time to know I am getting enough done and still keeping my brain alive with the breaks. In terms of fun breaks, YouTube is my main port of call, that and On Demand TV services.

     5. Have mini pamper/ detox days at least once a month

I attempted a detox this month. Made me feel very ill and cranky. Want to have a pamper day before my birthday in March so the next one is subconsciously planned in my mind.

     6. Find a way to read more books for fun

This is another one that is difficult to gauge. I have got a book on the go that I read when I feel like. I took out Kat Von D's book from the local library recently and have really enjoyed reading it so far. I think the fact I have a big desire to read it will make me read it regardless what other things I need to do. I don't know if I count audiobooks in this but I have been going through the Harry Potter series narrated by the ever fabulous Stephen Fry and I very much enjoy falling asleep to him reading.

    7. Fit in listening to cool new music regularly

I have a plan for this that I have yet to put into action. I go to the gym every Sunday and I see my dad every Saturday. His music collection is vast so I thought of him putting an album or two on my MP3 Player every Saturday so that I can workout to it on the Sunday, two birds with one stone as they say. Have yet to put this plan into action. Strange thing that I realised today is that I have actually been listening to cool new music. As I write this I am listening to a trap music mix courtesy of Trap City. I have also listened to most of the musical exploits of Boyinaband and have been listening to YouTube musicians like Andrew Huang.

   8. Hang out with friends more
I did have a movie day with a couple of friends of mine recently and really enjoyed it. I tend to do a lot of hanging with new people and not long-standing friends. I have been studying with some of my friends a bit and then chilling with them once we are done studying and I really like that format. Do some work, have fun later. Need to do more of that.

   9. Go to the opera (preferably more than once)
I have yet to do this. I really want to and have been told that if I am a student they do offers so opera tickets are reasonable and not over £100. This will probably be a reward for something that comes later in the year. Need to find something to reward myself for.

   10. Go to the theater  (preferably more than once)
I have gone to the theater this year and am going to go again in March. They are both for my drama A Level but even so, good theater is good theater. Want to go and see a lot of indie plays. Not only are they cheaper but they are very different to the high-production value shows I have seen.


Seems I am going to add something to this list. At the end of this month I re-started learning German. I did it for GCSE and got an A. I love to language and the culture of Germany so it only seemed natural for me. My target with this is to do at least on task on duolingo everyday.

Very long post I know.

Zoe out
xx

My Throat is Not a Fan of Me

I am a singer (I'd like to say by trade but not just yet) and this means I need to keep the muscles of my throat and vocal folds in peak condition at all time. However, I often seem to be plagued with the ever annoying sore-throat. Most people can just take throat sweets or let time do it's job to get rid of it but I am not blessed with those things. Throat sweets do more bad than good to me and if I am singing everyday time is something I am not blessed with.

Tonight I have to perform at a local event. I am sing the Habanera from the opera Carmen. This is a highly famous piece. It is also quite near the top of my range so any strains that plague me to begin with make my job painful, literally. When ever I am due to sing I take precautions: I won't eat dairy, starch or oily things before I sing; I drink lots of water, both hot and cold; I try not to talk to much and still my throat is decides that it will hurt hence making it beyond difficult for me to function in the necessary way.

I have had too many throat problems and moments like this really irritate me.

Much Love
xx

Music isn't Exciting me Anymore

For those that know me well for me to say that music isn't exciting me anymore is a very out-of-character thing for me to say. But let me explain myself and all shall become clear.


From a very young age music was always something that caused me immense happiness. It still does just in a different way to back then. My favourite genres have always been things like jazz and electronic music and in my early teens rock and metal entered my life for the better. But now music of those genres are often failing to excite me. I'm not disputing that good things are happening within these very broad genres but they are just not exciting me personally. Maybe I have become disenchanted with music and I can't just enjoy it anymore because of my in depth knowledge that came from studying music A Level. It actually makes me sad that music can't seem to excite me much. I guess the only consolation is that when I do like something I really like it. Maybe I'm soo sick of the same predictability of music at the moment that I am looking back, with genres like Ska and 80s pop becoming of increasing interest to me.


This post was not really meant to be anything informative I just wanted to give you an insight into my mind. Let me know if you have had this problem and can you recommend some cool new music for me to listen to.


Much love.
xx

Diet + Fitness: First Update

As I said in my plans for the year, I want to lose a stone  (14 pounds) by August. I have already started on this but not properly, so from now on I want to write regularly about how I'm doing on here.

I found an NHS (National Health Service UK) plan that I want to try to follow. For now, it is about cutting the calories down. The third day was the worst, I felt really ill and actually had to lie down. After this day I took it easy but keeping the calories down is not a chore on my body. I don't feel like I am starving myself. Of course I feel hungry, but given my high calorie intake for the majority of my life it is to be expected. I have gone gym almost every Sunday since the new year and I plan to keep that up and try to make time to exercise more during each week. 

In terms of differences to my body, the first thing I notice is my cheekbones. I lose even half a pound and they become a lot more pronounced. Not complaining cheekbones are great. Another thing I notice is the fat around my waist. The obsessions over waists is more of a corseting thing with me, but even when I don't corset any change in my waist is highly noticeable to me.

A friend of mine is hopefully going to become my health and fitness buddy so we can keep each other motivated. We plan on doing a juice detox for a few days in the coming weeks.

Much Love

xx

Feeling Lonely

I am very much an extroverted person so this means I recharge by feeding off the energy of other people. This means I am often subject to feeling alone or lonely. Normally it isn't to difficult for me to deal with and a simple chat online, texting or over the phone is ok for me to stop the lonely feelings and sometimes it can help me to recharge by interacting with people without being with them in person. But sometimes, this isn't enough. Sometimes my desire to be around people and socialise is soo great that if I don't get that then I start feeling really lonely and if I don't deal with those feelings straight away then my mental state can spiral into a ever darkening place. I do not suffer with a mental condition and my heart goes out to those that do. I have been through a lot of difficulties in my life, but so does everybody in different ways. This is one of the difficulties that plagues me to this day.

The more I think about what I want from my life the more I realise that I want love and acceptance. I have a very fragile ego and if I don't get some sort of recognition from others that I'm doing ok, then the a for mentioned ego doesn't know how to cope. I realise I have made my situation seem very melodramatic but I feel like I have soo much love to give and nowhere to direct it. I think that all of this loving energy somehow gets reabsorbed but as loneliness. Maybe I think that if I give love then I shall receive it, if I do not give that love then there is no way for me to  receive love hence leading to feelings of being alone or loneliness.

This was a very cathartic thing for me to write, in a way this is just a stream of consciousness but I like that.

Much love.
xx