I am very much an extroverted person so this means I recharge by feeding off the energy of other people. This means I am often subject to feeling alone or lonely. Normally it isn't to difficult for me to deal with and a simple chat online, texting or over the phone is ok for me to stop the lonely feelings and sometimes it can help me to recharge by interacting with people without being with them in person. But sometimes, this isn't enough. Sometimes my desire to be around people and socialise is soo great that if I don't get that then I start feeling really lonely and if I don't deal with those feelings straight away then my mental state can spiral into a ever darkening place. I do not suffer with a mental condition and my heart goes out to those that do. I have been through a lot of difficulties in my life, but so does everybody in different ways. This is one of the difficulties that plagues me to this day.
The more I think about what I want from my life the more I realise that I want love and acceptance. I have a very fragile ego and if I don't get some sort of recognition from others that I'm doing ok, then the a for mentioned ego doesn't know how to cope. I realise I have made my situation seem very melodramatic but I feel like I have soo much love to give and nowhere to direct it. I think that all of this loving energy somehow gets reabsorbed but as loneliness. Maybe I think that if I give love then I shall receive it, if I do not give that love then there is no way for me to receive love hence leading to feelings of being alone or loneliness.
This was a very cathartic thing for me to write, in a way this is just a stream of consciousness but I like that.
Much love.
xx
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